i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
