it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
