Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
