Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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