i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize