I feel great
I just peed on a car
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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