chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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