Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
