I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
