He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
