Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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