She went from zero to smokin in five shots
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
