A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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