are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
