Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
