i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
