When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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