I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
