I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
