i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
