Pants 0. Shit 1.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
