This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
