he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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