Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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