People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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