I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize