fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
