Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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