Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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