I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
