You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
