I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize