dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
