my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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