I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
