So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
