I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
