When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
