Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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