Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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