How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
