i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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