Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
