Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Success! We fucked roommates!
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