Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
