i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
