just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
