My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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