a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
