You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
