i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
FUCK WHALES
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
