what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
