Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize