chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
