I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
