i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
