If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want nice things and good sex
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
