and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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