I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
