pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
