Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
