girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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