No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
