I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
