"it" just moved
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
