if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
