3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
