do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
