I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
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