You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
