There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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