Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
