shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
