so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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