the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
