it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
